All the days never go in same way. Sometimes you are happy, sometimes you are extremely sad. And sometimes you are in an indifferent, nonchalant mood. And you get really surprised to see the fast changes between these emotions! I know, I have gone through this. He makes me sad, and he makes me happy. And days go by. But being so far makes going through it difficult. I should feel a little happier now, but donno why I cant. Am I still expecting something ? I tell myself not to be so stupid. But my heart never understands.
Things are different when you are together. But when you are not, they can be very very difficult. I remember our days in Bangalore. Together. In a way that we used to meet everyday. That was the first and last time until it happens again. We had misunderstandings, fights then also. But as I said when you are together things are different. We always could sort out the problems in little time. Then we would go shopping to celebrate our victory over our problems. But things are so different now. We fight now also, it drags for days ! And no celebration !
We all like some surprises in our life. We had our surprises too. But its no more there. I remember his surprise visits when I was in Santiniketan. He taught a boy for sometime to collect some money so that he could buy me a watch. Didnt want to use his father's money for that ! Thats surprise, thats sweet. I also gave him surprises, but some he didnt like. Because I was using my father's money to do that. And probably what I was doing was unnecessary. But I wanted to surprise him in my own stupid way. Because I thought something like that would make me very happy. But now I understand. He is more practical than I am.
Some days ago my senior in the lab got a surprise from her husband. She received a bouquet and busket of fruits ! When asked what it was about, she said her husband had proposed to her on that day six years back. She was saying her husband shouldnt have spent so much money just on these things ! But I know she was very happy. Because that was a surprise to her. It doesn'r matter in what form it comes, but a little surprise makes your day. My friend Soma's boyfriend gave her a surprise last year by not telling her and coming to meet her on Christmas Day. She was waiting for pizza boy, and there was her boyfriend standing in front of her door with pizza in his hand. She was ecstatic. Anybody would have been.
Surprises from my life for the time being are gone. And that makes me sad. I myself tried to surprise him in my own way, but couldnt work it out. Golden days of Santiniketan are gone. Life as it was in Bangalore is also gone long ago. Donno when I am going to be a little happier ! This life makes me tired. Sometimes feel like leaving everything ! But cant do it because I need to finish PhD. Not for myself, I can be happy without it and doing anything to keep me occupied as long as I am happy. I will finish it cause others want me to do it. And one of the 'others' is very close to me. I can't refuse him. I am here because he has been with me in all my difficulties. I am with my husband because he has taken all the trouble to support us. He is my father. And I am going to finish it only for him. But I curse the day when I got selected for PhD here. I seriously believe life would have been better. We could have worked out to be together. Being not together has made my life complicated. Got the things I never wanted. Lost friends. Have come close enough to lose the person I love most. But still hope for the best. I wish I could reverse the time and choose to be with him. Everyday. For a better and happier life.
Things are different when you are together. But when you are not, they can be very very difficult. I remember our days in Bangalore. Together. In a way that we used to meet everyday. That was the first and last time until it happens again. We had misunderstandings, fights then also. But as I said when you are together things are different. We always could sort out the problems in little time. Then we would go shopping to celebrate our victory over our problems. But things are so different now. We fight now also, it drags for days ! And no celebration !
We all like some surprises in our life. We had our surprises too. But its no more there. I remember his surprise visits when I was in Santiniketan. He taught a boy for sometime to collect some money so that he could buy me a watch. Didnt want to use his father's money for that ! Thats surprise, thats sweet. I also gave him surprises, but some he didnt like. Because I was using my father's money to do that. And probably what I was doing was unnecessary. But I wanted to surprise him in my own stupid way. Because I thought something like that would make me very happy. But now I understand. He is more practical than I am.
Some days ago my senior in the lab got a surprise from her husband. She received a bouquet and busket of fruits ! When asked what it was about, she said her husband had proposed to her on that day six years back. She was saying her husband shouldnt have spent so much money just on these things ! But I know she was very happy. Because that was a surprise to her. It doesn'r matter in what form it comes, but a little surprise makes your day. My friend Soma's boyfriend gave her a surprise last year by not telling her and coming to meet her on Christmas Day. She was waiting for pizza boy, and there was her boyfriend standing in front of her door with pizza in his hand. She was ecstatic. Anybody would have been.
Surprises from my life for the time being are gone. And that makes me sad. I myself tried to surprise him in my own way, but couldnt work it out. Golden days of Santiniketan are gone. Life as it was in Bangalore is also gone long ago. Donno when I am going to be a little happier ! This life makes me tired. Sometimes feel like leaving everything ! But cant do it because I need to finish PhD. Not for myself, I can be happy without it and doing anything to keep me occupied as long as I am happy. I will finish it cause others want me to do it. And one of the 'others' is very close to me. I can't refuse him. I am here because he has been with me in all my difficulties. I am with my husband because he has taken all the trouble to support us. He is my father. And I am going to finish it only for him. But I curse the day when I got selected for PhD here. I seriously believe life would have been better. We could have worked out to be together. Being not together has made my life complicated. Got the things I never wanted. Lost friends. Have come close enough to lose the person I love most. But still hope for the best. I wish I could reverse the time and choose to be with him. Everyday. For a better and happier life.